A Jack Story
by Almost Funny
Summary: I, Jack B. Badd, formerly known as Allison J. Reemy, am amazing. What was the REAL reason Jack ran away from home?


Disclaimer: _Pitch Black_ and _The Chronicles of Riddick_ is not owned by me. I write this purely for enjoyment's sake and make no money for this work.

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I, Jack B. Badd, formerly known as Allison J. Reemy, am amazing. Not only have I escaped the clutches of my evil family, I managed it in such a way that no one will _ever _know what has happened to me! Oh yes, I am good.

I'll bet that you want to know the reason why I ran away from home, huh. Now, I am not going to flat-out lie to you and tell you that I had a horrible home life, because I didn't. But that's just the thing! My life was a little tooooo perfect.

My doting parents were still happily married after twenty-two years, my older sister was painfully nice and sisterly, I was popular and had friends, my hair was long and gorgeous, and heck, I even had two dogs and a cat. There was no angst in my life!

Even my grades were perfect. One time I failed all of my classes on purpose, just to see if my parents would get mad and ground me for a month. Nope. Definitely not. They just looked at me with understanding smiles on their faces and suggested hiring a tutor for their "hardworking baby."

How lame is that! I, a mature thirteen year old…okay, almost thirteen years old, have freaks for parents. No matter what I do, they just look at me and…smile. Seriously! It's scary. I even set my cousin Bill on fire once to see what their reaction would be. Do you want to know what they said? They exchanged glances and suggested that an inanimate object such as a candle would do quite nicely the next time I felt the urge to douse something in lighter fluid and hold a match to it. That was it! I could even hear Bill still screaming in the background.

So, in order to avoid insanity, I decided that I had to get away. That is how I ended up on the docking bay of the _Hunter-Gratzner_ three weeks later. I had, of course, carefully planned out every aspect of my escape. You see, after failing all of my grades that one time, my parents really did hire a tutor for me so that I wouldn't be held back a year. Not that I need a tutor, of course. I _am_ something of a child genius, even if I do say it myself. However, I am not denying that it was nice to have an intelligent, understanding, smart…okay, okay. I'll cut the muck. He was drop dead gorgeous.

If he ever failed at the whole tutoring thing, he could so be an underwear model. He was musclely, tanned, had thick, curly, chestnut hair, straight white teeth, and deep blue eyes. Oh, and he was completely INSANE! Now don't get me wrong. When I say insane I don't mean that he was actually insane. I mean he was, for lack of a better word, cool. His method of teaching was actually fun! Crazy? I know.

For example, whenever he taught me about Newton's Laws of Motion he took me bungee jumping. Then we went scuba diving when he taughtme the importance of oxygen. When he taught me about aerodynamics we went skydiving. The list goes on.

The most significant thingI ever learned from himwas the importance of computers. For that lecture he taught me how to hack into somebody else'ssystem or make a fake i.d. Oh, the bliss. I used my newfound computer skills to create a webpage that touted the importance of a Camp Sotirod. Sotirod, in case you didn't know, is Doritos spelled backward. Well, I really went all out in pesteringmy parents about going to this "camp." Eventually, just as I knew they would, they caved and allowed me to go.

Do you want to know the real beauty of this plan? They are paying, oh, a cool twenty thousand creds for me to go on this trip. My parents are funding my getaway!

So here I am, standing on the docking bay with my new secret identity. Oh ya, I didn't tell you that I was going as a boy, now, did I. It makes my little outing all the more adventurous.

As I finally make my way to my chamber inside the _Hunter-Gratzner_, I notice this one dude with chains all hanging off of him. That is soo neat! Maybe he is an escaped convict! Do you think he could somehow break free and take us all hostage? That would be awesome!

Well, the short fat guy who's helping set all of our cryo sleep settings looks pretty irritated. I'd better get on over there. I've never been in cryo sleep before. I wonder if you dream…

Nope. You don't dream in cryo-sleep. But I thought I was dreaming when I first woke up.

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A/N: Hey, this is my first story on fanfiction dot net! Please remember that practice makes perfect andrefrain fromflaming me too badly. Oh, and the general abruptness in this fic (the switching from one subject tothe otherand the random babbling) was intentional. She's a twelve year old with a short attention span.


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